Thanksgiving

Ok, I'll be honest. I'm feeling a little homesick for Virginia right now. I miss being less than 4 miles from Chik-Fil-A, less than 2 miles from the closest Assemblies of God church, and less than 5 miles from Krispy Kreme. Yes, I know I couldn't wait to get out of there, but let's face it, Jersey is missing out. You haven't lived until you've had one of those hot original glazed donuts...

I always get a bit homesick around Thanksgiving, and I know it's because of a personal tradition I have. That fourth Thursday in November, I turn off Star 99.1 (the local Christian radio station here for those of you who don't know), and I listen to the radio station from Virginia online. Tonight, they start playing their Christmas music; when that happens it's officially time for me to start singing Christmas music and wearing my Santa hat.

I really feel like I need to write a blog entry about what I'm thankful for, but it's tough. Just over the past few months, I think I've really grown. There's just so much for me to be thankful for right now.

I'm no longer letting my fears hold me back, and I never thought that would be possible. I've stepped out of my shell. I've started to sing again (though not on stage... that may come in time). I got up in front of an entire audience and confessed one of my biggest struggles. I'm no longer afraid to find a seat at church, and for the first time it's not a struggle to accept that my personal motto is true. I am beautiful, loved, and worthy.

I've been pushed, and I am so thankful for that. I don't even think there words to describe how amazing it is to have friends who will push me to step out of my comfort zone (as painful as it may be sometime). I have friends who are completely honest with me, and encourage me to change. I've grown a lot because of friends like this; friends who push me, but still give me a shoulder to cry on when I need one.

I'm thankful for walking shoes haha. Let's face it: if I didn't have walking shoes, I'd probably never walk again. That eight mile walk to church would kill me. I'm thankful, however, that I can get to church, even if it's such a challenge at times. It's completely worth it. I have my doubts at times, but in the end I'm glad I can make it.

I'm thankful for my Puerto Rican family. They deserve a special shout-out here. It means so much to me that I'm invited over after church every week (even at the point where I feel like I'm pressured into coming over). You guys are really like a second family to me, and I love you all... (even if I don't understand half of what you say at times.) :-P

I'm thankful for St. Louis. That week in August was probably the most life-changing trip I've been on in my entire life. It's the trip that helped me to take that first step out of my comfort zone. I've made so many awesome friends there, and my only regret is that I let my fear hold me back from getting to know people better. I definitely plan on getting back to St. Louis again sometime. Who's with me?

I'm thankful for realizing how much I love writing... and how I know it's worth something. Just hearing one person say that a single poem out of over 300 made his/her day makes it all worth it. It's a part of who I am, and nothing can take it away.

I'm thankful for my craziness- both good and bad. It makes me who I am. Yes, I need to work on my fear of letting my shy side take over most of the time, and I still struggle with what I call my "bad" craziness... but I know the change will come with time.

I'm thankful that I've finally started to push towards God. For the first time, I've felt what it's like to be free, and nothing can compare to it. It's the most amazing feeling in the world... to feel like that weight has been lifted. The feeling that nothing will hold me back from reaching my dreams. I'm thankful for realizing that this freedom is not just some trick God is playing on me; it's not something in my dreams. This freedom is real.

I'm thankful for the people at Center Point Church in Utah (formerly known as Christ Evangelical Church)... especially those who were part of The Venue (their college group). They really welcomed me into their group, and I would love to come back to Utah just to see them again. I think they're the only reason I was able to handle that month there.

I'm thankful for those stupid jerks. Those people who find satisfaction in bringing me down. I'm thankful because people like them help me see who my real friends are.

I'm thankful for the little things. For being able to run around and play with kids. I'm thankful for those warm summer nights where I just stare at the stars. For a month with beautiful mountain scenery. I'm thankful for hugs and laughter; for catching fireflies and swinging on swings. I'm thankful for the little things I have saved to serve as reminders of how much people care: cards, little notes, photos, etc. I'm thankful for being able to blast worship music in my room and embrace the presence of God.

I'm thankful for Alex P., Vania, Alex Q. Sr., Alex Q. Jr., Maritza, Joannie, Ashley R., Ashley O., Steph U., Tish, Grace Ann, Meghan, Sarah B., Sarah H., Cassie, Chelsea S., Zachy, Avery, Chelsea C., Kayla, Teddy, Nathalie, Becca C., Abby, Courtney, Mariel, Amanda, PDoug, Sam, Pmat, Stacy, Denae, Joe-Joe, Bryce-Lynn, Mackenzie, Gabby, Angela, Jess, Shelvie, Oty, Rachael, Jaclyn, Liz, Adam M., Kamyee, Jen L.... and so many more people. You are all amazing!

Most of all, I'm thankful for God because He has given me all of this. He has brought these people into my life. He has given me the strength to step out of my comfort zone and change. He made the stars and the mountains. He made me to write. He made the inventor of Krispy Kreme. He is the inspiration for those songs.

Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

PS. I'm also thankful that I don't work in a grocery store or in retail... the week leading up to today is one of the worst weeks for grocery store employees, and it's nice knowing that I won't be working tomorrow... good luck for those of you who have to deal with the Black Friday mobs... don't get trampled to death!