I Was Made to Walk on Water

I changed my Facebook status about an hour ago, and immediately I decided to turn it into a blog entry:

This is not just something I do. This is who I am, and NOTHING is going to stop me from following my heart. I'm ready to face my fears- one day, one step at a time. I've spent enough time in the boat; there's an entire ocean to explore now. (XIX; XLV:I) ♥

A couple weeks ago I printed out over 120 pages of original poetry (size 12 font, Times New Roman, blah, blah). That's over 300 poems in my current poetry collection... and it doesn't include most of my poetry from fifth grade, andanything from sixth. I have a few blogs up on the web, which I finally decided to merge into one blog to make my life easier.

I have a few Fanfictions in progress online (and I've written fanfics since I was six) , and I have written quite a number of stories. I'm even considering revisiting some stories we were assigned to write in fifth grade.

Let's face it. I'm a writer.

I have always been a writer at heart. I started recognizing words and reading possibly as young as 2-and-a-half or three-years-old. I spent nap time in Kindergarten reading, and by the time I was in first grade I was obsessed with a chapter book series geared towards children three to six years older than I was at the time.

I had a poem read over the intercom (I believe) when I was in second grade, and when I was in fifth grade I started my poetry collection. Since freshman year, I have filled nearly nine or ten journals.

Heck, last year I was an English Literature major hoping to transfer schools in order to major in English with a concentration in Creative Writing. I decided to switch to a more practical major.

Earlier this month, November 3rd to be exact, I had a weird day with my writing. I wrote a poem for my friend, Vania. She told me that the poem made her day. That same day, Pmat left me a comment on my Facebook wall: "Just read through a ton of your blog posts...you have such a gift for writing...it brightened my day to read your thoughts..."

That day, I was reminded about how much I love writing. For years, I have been writing because it's something I have always done; almost as if it is expected of me. I wrote because it's just part of who I am, not because I love it.

Things are changing now. I want to write more than ever; I want to be pushed and challenged in my writing. The sound of poetry just calms me- even if it makes no sense at times. For me, the words alone are like music. I want to dive deeper into this world of writing I abandoned.

Writing isn't a practical college major, especially when compared to Early Childhood Education. That doesn't mean, however, that I need to live in the security of this boat. Following my heart requires me to walk on water, and trust that God will help me reach my full potential.

I am a writer.

I can't deny that this is part of who I am. It's how I pour out my heart; it's one of the ways I worship.

This is not just a hobby.

It's part of my identity.

And sometimes being myself isn't easy.

But, I was made to walk on water.

Dreams (Unreachable) [Inspired by and Dedicated to Vania Q.] (November 2, 2009)

I want to write. I want to sing.

But more than that, I want to bring

my heart, my soul, to my King.

To reach a dream is always tough.

To step out of the boat when the seas are rough.

Knowing what I have isn't enough.

I love to dream, but I don't know what for

because reaching my goals requires all I have and more.

So,I just look at my dreams through a still-open door.

I hold onto my hopes, onto my dreams.

Maybe they aren't as unreachable as it seems.