A Christmas Message from the King and Queen

This Christmas, the King and Queen would like to share a special message with all the non-existent readers of this blog.

• Always remember to pray daily
• Eat lots of candy canes
• Cook your ham well
• Hang up your stockings in hopes of better presents outside of them
• Go to church (one of 2 days a year)
• Remember that just because it's a holiday doesn't mean the cookies don't have calories.
• Put antlers on the family pet/car (Bonus points for a red nose!)
• Find a good excuse when the kids ask how Santa will get in your chimney-less dwelling
• Just because it's a special occasion doesn't mean the kids won't slobber, drool, vomit on, poop in, or otherwise stain/damage the fancy, overpriced Christmas outfits you buy them
• Yes, you have the day off of work. No, you will not be sleeping in (If you have kids you might be up earlier than usual!)
• No tree is better than a metallic tinsel tree
• No decorations are better than tacky decorations... that includes giant inflatable penguins
• If you don't have enough lights to decorate the entire tree in your front yard, buy more or just don't bother!
• This is the one time of the year when stupid hats and tacky sweaters can actually be socially accepted.
• We all know about the rules of these white elephant gift exchanges, but none of us have a CLUE as to where the name came from...
• Buy expensive presents...especially if you can expect more expensive ones in return
• Remember that most of the Christmas TV specials aren't very good, and they get worse after the first couple times they show them during the weekend after Thanksgiving
• Sing about demanding figgy pudding...even though you'll probably hate the stuff if you got it.
• Don't regift your fruitcakes. It'll be your means of survival in the event of a nuclear war.
• Give to charities for the tax deductions
• Candy canes come in many colors and flavors. REAL candy canes are white with thick and thin red stripes and are PEPPERMINT flavored
• Don't venture out after 6 PM on December 24 if you want to go somewhere other than your local convenience store or Chinese restaurant.
• Black Friday is the day of mass shopping. December 26 is the day everyone returns to the malls to return the bad presents that were purchased on Black Friday

Most of all, remember that Christmas isn't about presents... it isn't about food or shopping. And it certainly isn't about TV shows and decorations...

Here's a poem I wrote in December 2008...

Dear Mr. Santa,

it's Christmas Eve tonight

and there is a letter

I felt I needed to write.

I know you are real busy

taking presents to a hundred girls and boys

but I want to tell you, Mr. Santa

that I don't want you to give me any toys.

Dear Mr. Santa,

did you know there's another little girl

tired, cold, and hungry

on the other side of the world?

I only saw her picture

I think she's the same age as me

and tomorrow she will spend Christmas

without a Christmas tree

I saw you at the mall last week, Mr. Santa!

That candy cane you gave me was so sweet!

But this little girl, Mr. Santa,

doesn't have anything to eat

Dear Mr. Santa,

I know there are presents for me in your sleigh

but can you give that little girl my toys

to open Christmas Day?

She doesn't have any toys at all,

but Mr. Santa, I already do

And I want this girl to have Christmas

just like I always do

If you give her my toys, Mr. Santa

then maybe she will believe in you

and then one day, just maybe,

she can believe in Jesus too.

Merry Christmas!