Happy Belated Birthday.

"The wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was when everything fell

We'd be held"

-Natalie Grant

I have a pretty large family, but I'm definitely closest to one side of my family, and they aren't technically my blood relatives. As far as I'm concerned though, they're family. And while we may not have the same religious beliefs (they're Mormon), I think they're definitely some of my favorite people to be around. 

Yesterday would have been my cousin's sixth Birthday. I never met her; she passed away only nine days after she was born. I'm not going to bother with the whole story. I'd just be copying from my Aunt Jennie's blog anyway, but she's Tommy's little sister. I almost put "was," but then I caught myself. She will always be Tommy's little sister, just like she will always be my "cousin."

Not even an hour ago I was on a Facebook Group making a list of songs I listen to when I'm feeling kind of let down, or when I'm going through a hard time. In the list, I added a song by Natalie Grant: Held.

I've known the song for what seems like forever, but it never had any personal meaning until May 2007.

 In April, my friend, Sarah, posted a bulletin on Myspace asking for prayers for a little girl named Cameron:

"A little girl at my church, Cameron, was recently having a procedure done at a hospital when her heart stopped. Had she not been in the hospital, she would not have survived-God was truly watching over her. Her heart has begun to supply enough circulation and oxygen to her body to run on its own, but she still is in need of a heart transplant.

As she waits for a donor to become available, she is depending on a ventilator for breathing. Today, an MRI revealed brain damage that was caused by the extended time that she was on the ventilator. This disqualifies her for a heart transplant. To do the proper tests that will diagnose the brain damage, and to prevent further damage, she will need to be weaned off the ventilator within the next couple days. 

Cameron is a sweet and energy-filled little girl that has undergone so much devastation during this past week. Please pray that she will continue to be kept safe in God's hand as the doctor's begin to remove the ventilator. Both her lungs and heart are fragile, so pray that she will become eligible for a heart transplant, and a heart will be available. Pray also for God's strength and peace in her family. She's such a special girl and i know He has a plan for her life."

For some reason, I felt like I needed to ask Sarah about Cameron. For the next couple of weeks, I sent a text message almost daily asking if there were any updates. Cameron was weaned off of the ventilator, and she was put at the top of the list for a heart transplant. Unfortunately, Cameron suffered from another cardiac arrest which took her home to be with Jesus on May 8, 2007.

A couple of days later, Sarah put Held on as her Myspace profile song. Since then, I can't listen to the song without tearing up a little and thinking of Cameron.

It's strange. I know. I have no idea what Cameron looked like. Sarah told me she was about three or four years old, but that's all I really know about her. Yet, if, right now, I could tell Cameron anything it would be this: "I love you."

Cameron helped me to learn about how much God cares about me. After I realized that it was possible for me to love and care for a complete stranger, I realized how much more people who know me must care. 

I changed my status message on Facebook earlier. I typed up an excerpt from Held and added the dates when my cousin was here on earth. Then, in parenthesis, I added a simple message: "Happy Belated Birthday. I love you."

I think my cousin is serving as another much needed reminder that I am loved so much more than I can ever imagine. I definitely struggle with doubts in that area of my life. More often than not I feel completely worthless, even though I know that is far from the truth. I need a constant reminder of my worth, and once again I am reminded through the short life of a little girl that I never had a chance to meet.

So, Happy Belated Birthday, Geneva. I love you. 

Love,

Lissa

PS. Geneva's story is found on my Aunt Jennie's blog: http://sumgreater.blogspot.com/2009/01/genevas-birthday.html